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The Right Fit for Every Person

The Modern Relationship in the Context of BaZi

One interesting aspect of applying BaZi, a science that was formulated in ancient China, is in modifying its application to the 21st century world that we dwell in. BaZi as we know, is pretty much all about balance. How this balance applies and how this balance has changed are the key concepts underlying this week's article.

Ask any BaZi consultant and you'll find that relationship issues (the romantic kind) are among the most common discussed during a BaZi reading. I often find in my practice and in speaking to fellow consultants that impractical (and oftentimes ignorant) expectations and views are behind the relationship woes of the many clients. We all know the roles of women have evolved tremendously in the past 50 years or so. Women nowadays have risen to be successful corporate, political leaders, business people and can hold enormous influence and power. How do we relate such change and progress to the concept of balance in the BaZi chart?

The factor that denotes capability and ability to express and use talents and skills is the Output element. As such the stronger, more vibrant and better quality the Output element, the better the person is able to express oneself, perform and in general, get things done. All these are, of course, crucial factors for success as defined by modern society. Alas, too strong an Output also puts stress on the Influence element-which for women denotes the husband or romantic other half.

As such, a common occurrence for successful women is that they tend to be too opinionated, aggressive and expressive - all qualities that, we have to realistically admit, diminish the traditional role of men as the decision-maker and dominant party in a relationship. But of course, the "traditional" role of men also encompassed being completely responsible of the well-being of their partners and children in terms of protection, security and basic needs, while being in charge of projects and day-to-day endeavours.

As such, the balance has changed. As evolution can't be help, the wise approach is to go with the flow and modify our own expectations when it comes to relationships. Along with the change in the "power" balance between men and women, we have to accept the inevitable change of not just financial responsibility, but also in terms of who gets what done However, many women who are strong individuals and who need to accomplish their own goals other than the traditional ones of being a wife, mother and homemaker, commonly want the best of both worlds. They want to pursue a successful career and yet hope to be completely coddled and taken care of by their man. However, we know from a BaZi (and practical) standpoint this does NOT work!

If you have traits that make you a successful corporate, business or powerful woman, chances are you'll end up overshadowing your man, find it difficult to find someone who matches your caliber or have difficulty maintaining your relationship. In such a case, you'll find you need to lower your expectations and accept that you may need to be the breadwinner or contribute to the financial aspect of the relationship (at least to some extent).

Similarly, guys who are the archetype of the new-age, sensitive male-for example, one who is able to relate to feelings and sentiment, be nurturing and caring-also find that they're unable to completely "wear the pants" in a relationship. Such males tend to have fleeting relationships and have trouble maintaining long-term relationships. And since they literally have trouble controlling their Wealth element (which stands for literal wealth, management style and ahem, also their "better" half), then financially they tend to be unstable or have difficulty accumulating wealth.

So ladies, be prepared to have to bear some financial responsibility in general if you're into the new-age kind of guy (or alternatively, if you're the ambitious sort when it comes to career). And similarly, guys who fit this mould need to accept that they can't be in charge of all decisions nor be in complete control. Such understanding, compromise and practice from both genders are needed to keep the "modern" relationship alive and well!

Toh Kong Eu
MA Cosultant

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